Has the Child Maintenance Service Become Completely Useless?

Hey, hey mum 💛

So this week I was out for dinner with a group of other mums. You know the kind of night quick bite, lots of laughs, and then somehow the conversation turns real. And this time, it turned to something that doesn’t get talked about enough:

Being the complete sole breadwinner for your children.

And honestly? The more kids you have, the heavier that responsibility feels.

The Reality of Being the Only Financial Provider

I’ve been a sole parent for 15 years now. Three kids. One income. Zero child maintenance.

Financially bringing everybody up on my own has been a roller coaster and not the fun kind.

It’s survival mode most of the time.

You wake up exhausted.You go to bed exhausted.And in between? You’re running on fumes.

Full-time job.School runs.Early mornings.Packed lunches.Cooking.Cleaning.Laundry.Homework.Emotional support.Taxi service.Life admin.Repeat.

You’re never really off duty.

And because you’re carrying both the parenting load and the financial load, you’re rarely operating as your “full self.” You’re functioning. You’re coping. But thriving? That’s another story.

The Mental Load Is Heavy

In my house, even small things can feel overwhelming.

One child needs to go to a friend’s house on one side of town. Another wants to go somewhere completely opposite. You’re calculating petrol, time, dinner plans, tomorrow’s schedule all while trying not to show the stress on your face.

They’re little moments. But they build up.

And I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit.

In this society, we’re all trying to be strong. Brave. Independent. Capable.

“I can do it. “I’ve got this.”“It’s fine.”

But the truth?

It’s really, really hard.

The Financial Pressure No One Sees

I have a good job. I earn what I would consider a good salary.

And yet… there are still months when unexpected expenses hit. School trips. Clothes. Birthdays. Car repairs. Bills that seem to rise for no reason.

And you find yourself holding your breath, quietly calculating:

“Can I make it to next payday?”

That constant underlying anxiety never really goes away.

Yes, my oldest son is financially independent now, which I’m so proud of. But I still have full financial responsibility for my other two.

And in all these years, I have never received a single penny of child maintenance.

Not once.

Has the Child Maintenance Service Become Completely Useless?

The system that is meant to support children financially when parents separate is the Child Maintenance Service.

In theory, it exists to make sure both parents contribute financially.

In reality? For many sole parents, it feels ineffective, slow, and emotionally draining to deal with.

What I struggle to understand is this:

How can a parent believe that financial responsibility simply disappears because the relationship ended?

Whether you are in contact or not.Whether the children see you or not.Whether the relationship was good or bad.

They are still your children.

Financial responsibility shouldn’t be optional.It shouldn’t depend on who shouts the loudest.And it certainly shouldn’t fall entirely on one parent by default.

“You Look So Tired…”

And here’s the part that almost makes me laugh.

You run into people and they say,“Oh, you look so tired.”

And inside you just want to scream:

I am so bloody tired.

I am so bloody tired of doing everything.Tired of carrying all the responsibility.Tired of being the only financial safety net.Tired of holding it together when I’d quite like someone else to hold it for a while.

Yes. I’m tired.

And please don’t tell me I look tired because I know I look tired.

There are dark circles under my eyes because I’ve been budgeting in my head at midnight. Because I’ve been worrying about bills. Because I’ve been mentally planning school uniforms, dinners, work deadlines and who needs picked up where tomorrow.

There’s nothing you can do about it.There’s nothing I can magically do about it.

It’s just called life-ing.

It’s what happens when you are the provider, the planner, the protector, and the parent — all rolled into one.

The Silent Strength of Sole Breadwinners

Being the sole breadwinner means:

• You don’t have backup.

• You don’t have someone to split the bills.

• You don’t have someone to share the financial worry at 2am.

• You don’t get a “month off” when things are tight.

It’s you.

And while we carry it, we often minimise it.

We say:“It’s fine.“We’re managing.”“It could be worse.”

But surviving and thriving are two very different things.

If You’re in This Position Too…

I see you.

The exhaustion.The constant mental calculations.The guilt when you can’t say yes.The resentment you try not to feel.The strength you didn’t ask to have.

We don’t talk enough about how financially heavy single motherhood can be especially when there is no support from the other parent.

And maybe the question isn’t just whether the system is useless.

Maybe the bigger question is:

Why are so many children financially dependent on only one parent when they have two?

This week, if you’re the sole breadwinner, give yourself some credit.

You are doing the job of two people.Financially.Emotionally.Practically.

And even if it feels like survival mode most days…

You are still showing up.

And that matters more than you know 💛