Lazy Girl’s Guide to Solo Parenting a Special Needs Kid By Kerry Edgar

So, you're juggling school runs, therapy sessions, work, grocery shopping, meltdowns (theirs and yours), and maybe even remembering to drink water. Welcome to Club Surprise (where it’s open all hours and you never imagined until it happened, that you’d make the guestlist…).

You're doing the most, even when it doesn’t look like it. And without sounding like a barefoot preacher… I can see that, other parents of additional needs children can see that, grandparents/teachers/carers and community workers can also see that(if you can’t). Those that get it, get it. And if you’re reading this, I’m attempting to give you a survival guide to keeping your head (mostly) above water when you're parenting solo with a kid who has special needs.

Let’s Be Real About the Chaos

Raising a child with special needs is beautiful and exhausting. It's a never-ending mix of appointments, forms, fights with funding bodies, specialist visits, and 2 a.m. wake ups and Google spirals. And you’re doing it all solo. If no one’s said it today: you're a damn superhero. Not in the “aww aren’t you amazing(cue sympathy heart eyes) because I feel sorry for you” sense, but because you’ve tapped into reserves you didn’t know you had, to give to someone you love, and that is superhuman.

Work + Care + Not Losing It

Making Work, Work for You:

Work can sometimes offer a vital sense of purpose for those with caring responsibilities by creating space for identity beyond caregiving. It provides routine, connection, and opportunities to learn and grow. Having meaningful work can restore confidence, support financial independence, and remind carers that their value extends far beyond the home. Even part-time or flexible roles can become powerful anchors in a life built around caring for others.

Your boss? Tell them what you need: flex hours, work-from-home, whatever keeps you sane. Carers in the UK are protected by several laws that recognise their rights and needs. These include the right to a carer’s assessment, support services, and protection from discrimination under the Equality Act. The Care Act 2014 ensures carers' well-being is considered, and flexible working laws give carers the right to request adjustments at work from day one. These laws aim to support carers in balancing their responsibilities with work and personal life. More and more places are catching on that life isn’t one-size-fits-all. You’re allowed to ask for things. You deserve to ask for things, and your employer should be accommodating to your role.

Balancing work and home life is another kettle of fish, but if you are able and want to work, you are protected.

Pick Your Battles

I’m going to say this in a big sisterly voice, who has been a try-to-do-it-aller, “Trying to control a house with unpredictable elements, is like trying to wash your car when it’s raining”

 Not every dish needs doing the second it lands in the sink, and not every email deserves an immediate reply. Seriously, not everything is urgent, apart from immediate care needs and basic functions, even if it feels that way in the moment. Instead of trying to do it all at once (and burning out in the process), try using a planner or just your phone’s notes app to make a simple to-do list. Highlight what’s actually urgent today, what can be adjusted if something changes unexpectantly, and give yourself permission to move the rest to tomorrow or next week. Life doesn’t fall apart if something gets skipped; relationships don’t fall apart if you cant make a function because your child is overwhelmed and forgetting things because of more pressing matters? Meh..it happens. Add it to the next day’s list and keep it moving. You’re not a machine, you’re a human, and you’re doing better than you think.

Use What’s Out There

A support network is essential especially if you are low of familial and spousal support, or have multiple kids in the house.

Check your work benefits, you might be surprised by what’s already available. Many employers now understand that staff with caring responsibilities, especially solo parents of children with special needs, need extra support to thrive. Some workplaces offer parental support programs, access to free counselling, flexible working hours, or even emergency carers. These benefits aren’t always widely advertised, so it’s worth digging through your HR portal or reaching out to your manager or HR team directly.

And if nothing’s available yet? Ask. You might be the first to bring it up, but that simple question can be the spark that encourages your employer to introduce better support policies. By advocating for yourself, you’re also paving the way for other parents and carers who may be silently juggling the same challenges.

Beyond the workplace, there’s a growing network of community support available to parents of children with special needs; especially in the UK and Northern Ireland. These groups offer everything from advice and legal guidance, ill link some below. It is important to note, a family disability social worker is advisable to request because they will have real-time support advice for you and can offer gateways for respite if needed.

Which brings me to my next point…

Don’t Be Afraid to Tap Out

Asking for Help doesn’t = Weakness

You’re not supposed to do this alone, even if you are. Text a mate, hit up that support group on Facebook, or book respite care for a few hours of quiet. It’s not a luxury—it’s essential for your little ones development that you are in a place both physically and mentally to support them. Find your people, and utilise the services. Trust me on this. The more people on your side, the lighter it feels. Building our Village (Even if it’s Online): like group chats, forums, talking to the other mum in the waiting rooms or at the school gates. We need each other. Sometimes just knowing someone else gets it is all the support you need.

Keep Yourself Alive Too, Please

Tiny Acts of Self-Care

No, you don’t need a weekend spa retreat (but if someone’s offering, and you have the resources, say yes obv). Try deep breathing in the car before school pick-up. Stretch in bed. Dance in the kitchen. Drink the coffee hot. It's the little things. I know some of this can sound cliché if you are in the pits of a meltdown or a worrying hospital stay; but even 3 minutes for you and just you, can ease the load.

Food, Sleep, Move

Not glamorous, not a quick fix but real talk. Fuelling your body, resting when you can, and moving when it feels good, gives you a better chance of living longer and in turn caring for your child longer(we all know the thoughts… you know the ones “what will happen to them, when im no longer around?”). Even walking to the letterbox counts. And also, don’t be hard on yourself for not having a regimented routine for fitness and food prepping, you're not lazy; you’re running a marathon with bricks in your backpack.

Celebrate Your Weird Wins

Kid didn’t scream through the check-up? Total win. Remembered bin night? Huge deal. Put on a bra today? Who is she?!. Parenting, caring, life…it’s a lot. So celebrate these small victories like you’ve won the lottery. I don’t have to explain how amazing the small wins that your child does make you feel, beaming with pride and awe… do the same for yourself goddammit.

Use Your Voice, Even When It Shakes

You’re not just getting by, you’re breaking new ground every single day. Caring for your child means you’re fighting not only for their needs but also for a voice they might not always have, in a world that doesn’t always listen. When you speak up, ask questions, and share your story, you’re standing up for both yourself and your child. Change doesn’t happen by chance; it happens when people like you say, “This isn’t working, and it needs to be better.” Whether it’s pushing back on school policies, demanding better government support, or challenging medical advice, your voice is powerful. You’re not just advocating… you’re creating a future where your child’s needs and rights are seen and heard. Keep speaking out, because your words matter more than you know..

Final Pep Talk

You are doing more than enough, truly. Every time you show up, even when you're running on fumes and the day feels like a whirlwind, you're doing something. Some days will be loud, messy, and downright exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed, in fact quite the opposite. It means you're human, and you've succeeded another day doing your best in circumstances most people can't fully understand. Your child doesn’t need perfection; they need you. Tired, messy, real, present, and full of love. Keep going.

And if today was a disaster? Cool. Tomorrow’s another shot. 💪💖

Love, K

Contact – www.contact.org.uk: Offers support, advice, and resources for families with disabled children, including workshops, helplines, and local groups.Family Fund – www.familyfund.org.uk: Provides financial grants to low-income families raising disabled or seriously ill children.

Carers UK – www.carersuk.org: A national charity providing information, advocacy, and community forums for unpaid carers.

Parenting NI (Northern Ireland) – www.parentingni.org: Offers localised support for parents, including counselling and workshops across Northern Ireland.

Disability Action NI – www.disabilityaction.org: Supports people with disabilities and their families with advocacy and community programmes.